Our understanding of God is shaped by the deepest unchangeable elements of our lives. There is a way that being gay has affected my understanding of God. I thought it good, at last, to write about how I understand God, being a gay follower of Jesus.
HARD AND FAST ANSWERS AND LABELS
First off, I’m quite reluctant to give a hard and fast answer to anything. I don’t believe in a single solution to all problems, or a one way of living for all types of people.
Put another way, I reject labels, stereotypes and many social constructs, particularly surrounding gender expectations and gender roles.
I believe this way because I find myself outside the realm of hard and fast answers and predictable labels.
There is some context to this. Mostly, how I grew up. I was the sheltered home school Christian kid whose parents stayed together and were not physically or sexually abusive. I was always in church and always striving to be well-behaved…and I was terrified of getting in trouble. (How much of my obedience was really out of love?) My culture valued sexual purity and my parents didn’t allow me to date. I didn’t have a hard time not looking at girls because guys were prettier. I didn’t get to frustrated not being allowed to date because none of the girls around me had an ultimate fascination for me. I didn’t think much of my early pubescent attraction to men because I thought, “I’m the good kid! There’s no way I could ever be a homosexual!”
I was so sure I was one type of person and that life would go a certain way.
Then I was another type and life was going a different way.
Quite out of my control and without me even trying. The hard and fast answers I believed in weren’t answering my questions. The strict labels I had grown up in didn’t fit anymore.
In this way, the home-schooled kid grew up to outgrow his childhood labels.
I don’t believe in hard and fast definitions because I was completely set up by my environment to be the hetero-Christian poster child…and still ended up being gay. So apparently environment and labels don’t have ultimate power over who a person becomes.